If you are experiencing challenges in your relationship or are going through a crisis, mentoring may be able to help you to see more clearly and allow you to deepen your relationship with yourself and your partner.
With his multiple tools for intervention, including Hakomi and Exceptional Marriage Mentoring, Roland can accompany you in your process. His presence creates a loving, sacred and safe container in which you will be able to explore, experientially and experimentally, what gets in the way of creating the relationship that you truly want.
The goal is not to save the relationship at all costs, but rather that both partners can discover themselves and express their deepest truths. You will then be able to take the right decision for yourself and your couple.
Intimate relationship is no doubt one of the best avenues for growth, and developing your full potential as a human being.
The intimate relationship which can exist in multiple ways presents opportunities for discovery, growing in love and in intimacy as well as the opportunity to fulfill our longings and fundamental needs. We must remain conscious that we alone are responsible for our needs; it is not the responsibility of our partner to fulfill our needs.
One of the greatest challenges, in my experience, is to take one’s place without losing oneself, while maintaining an intention, an openness and the possibility that both can be happy in sharing a life with one another.
The differences and similarities that attracted us to each other in the first place also challenges us to express our truth and be creative so that we can find ways to communicate and get along in a respectful way. Our story, our wounds and the survival mechanisms that we have created along the way in order to manage our experience and minimize our suffering, evolve into unconscious patterns that generate conflicts.
These conflicts are opportunities for growing in intimacy, but often couples cannot get pas the arguing stage. Both end up wounded and cannot or do not know how to express each other, understand what is going and deepen. The resulting crisis can be a transition to catapult the relationship to new levels of intimacy and expansion or it can be the beginning of the end the relationship.
Our partner is most probably the scariest person in our entourage. Why? Because he or she is the one that can push our most sensitive buttons and with whom we become most vulnerable. Vulnerability and intimacy are ‘Intimately” linked; the more we can be vulnerable with our partner, the more we can deepen intimacy. However, when we are vulnerable we are easily wounded and the protection strategies quickly come into play.
Brian and Marcia Gleason, creators of Exceptional Marriage Mentoring (web site www.exceptionalmarriage.com) explain that a relationship evolves in four stages. These stages which can repeat themselves throughout the life of the relationship) are:
The Eros stage
In this initial stage we are completely taken by our new discovery and want to be together all the time. We open up and reveal without limit and the experience of intimacy is ecstatic. We can also call this the “Velcro stage”.
The Security stage
In a short time, the vulnerabilities that are experienced bring up our survival strategies. We learn the limits of our tolerance and that of our partner. This activates our control patterns, those unconscious ways of controlling our partner or ourselves in order to stay within the window of tolerance and safety. These patterns can be aggressive, passive or passive-aggressive. Thus, we take less risks in truly being ourselves and of proposing new things if we at all suspect that our partner will be triggered and that this will result in a conflict or too much discomfort.
Some people remain in this stage throughout their relationship. They feel good, but at the same time, they may stagnate in their personal development and not feel fully alive.
The Transition/Crisis stage
Some couples get to a point where the status quo no longer works for them. Either they are constantly in conflict, their sex live has withered or died, or they simply feel blocked in their communication and mutual understanding.
This can result in a crisis (such as infidelity) and a realization that something has to change if the couple is to survive. It’s make or break time.
This is a time to look more closely at what is going on and it is difficult to do this without external support.
The Exceptional Relationship stage
The transition stage or the crisis provokes a deep exploration of the relationship and the couple that can move through it come out more conscious, more differentiated and more real. Eros is reborn and both partners feel more alive. The conflicts do not disappear but are used as opportunities to get to know each other better, to grow in live and intimacy. Both feel more alive and see themselves and the other through new eyes.
Don’t you want to experience and discover the Exceptional Relationship?